The following is the first in a fiction series called “The Feminist Papers” For now, these letters and correspondence will have to do in place of Nerd Words. As always, thank you for reading. Please enjoy.
The Feminist Papers: Sibling Rivalry
Dear Miss Big Sister
My birthday is coming soon, and I’ll be approaching your age. You’ve been quiet with advice lately- save for the judgement mentality, selective remembrance, and passive aggressive character battery. Perhaps you’ve been too busy trying to look like young like me. But I’ve been patiently waiting to be just like you. So I could do what you couldn’t do- manage to get through without your crazy feminist man-hating views, so I could pass along the family you were too selfish to. Why so hateful and money-greedy? How many men do you think you need? Maybe you’d have one if you put down the martini. Or treated them with half the dignity of gum beneath the Manolos on your feet.
Furthermore, I am no longer a child, so please stop telling me to grow up- especially since you have lost your dignity trying to act like a teen. Life isn’t an episode of Sex in the City, “Dear” and being a housewife has a ‘wife’ pre-prerequisite here. Feminist doesn’t mean to be a bitch. But I think Ms. does mean you’ve been divorced, see the above ‘wife’ reference, Miss. Don’t worry you’ll find a nice older man who’d like a nice older woman. I say this out of love.
Now, I surrender trying to get your attention, but feminism is about supporting other women. Call me soon. I miss you too.
MRS. Kid Sister
Dear Kid Sister,
Happy Birthday! Still choosing to delay children to further that feminist education, my Dear future Engineer? I’ll just send you another gift; thank you for the privilege. I’ll imagine that note soon. It’s easy to trap someone into marriage when your options are limited. Don’t worry; chances are, you are impending divorce anyway. If you would have told me you needed a ring. I would have sent you one of mine. How’s that for passive aggressiveness ‘Mrs.’? And ‘Ms.’ was never about divorce but the option to be respected as a woman- not just for ownership and if or with whom you are having sex. Offer that nugget to a young woman who would prefer it over the word “bitch”. If I have been crazy, it has been for being crazy over you and that you might have more opportunities than all those before you.
Sure you must be frustrated not knowing what to do, but they didn’t tell me either, and I never speak of it because like them, I hoped to fix it before you ever knew it existed. It used to be perfectly legal to beat ‘the Mrs.’ with a broom- provided its the right size. Sweet wanna-be feminists like you were ignored or worse– treated like personal prostitutes. This crazy and radical Big Sister absorbed blunt force aimed at your rights, Kid Sisty. While you and your “bitches” slowly twerk away everything gained; way to lay down and fight.
Not even you are reverse aging here. Regardless how I look! I’m looking forward to the opportunity to be ignored like you. I really am sorry about your impending divorce if you really are, your ‘wife’ pre-requisite has made you 50% predisposed. But don’t worry, if an older man approaches me, I’ll be sure to send him your way.
Certainly we fight like a couple of brothers, but I love you too much not to help.
Ms. Big Sister