Just Journaling

Its 6/30/13 and earlier I went to find the link to a post I shared for a challenge. I loved; I shared a link only because I’m just not sure if its polite to throw around someone’s name when writing my own opinion. But I shared it Friday- first to a few friends then the link I shared, and still thought about it so I wanted to incorporate it into a post that I loved, so I finally had nerve to reach out to Author. Oh I was scaaaared. That’s not extraordinary except that I had just proclaimed how fear had been “beaten” and yet here I am reaching out to a stranger… afraid. But not in a bad way, in fact it was in such a good way…so good that I just went on and on (course she can control how much shows up at her own discretion lol but here’s what I wrote:

This morning I went, and I loved this, so shared it and wrote about it on my Love Mekanism blog as a challenge for those following my journey. As a business and tech writer, I learned early that I enjoy the process of writing and the magic of filling a blank page with my take. Luckily in that career, most just needed a place to start or guideline and were largely happy to edit, copy, and paste around in it, while I was just happy to write with anonymity, and get a pretty decent steady paycheck while keeping my own writings to myself- well… maybe a lover or two along the way, but that’s the extent. But having to edit was paralyzing, so if it weren’t for those with the talent and patience to get it right, I wouldn’t have had a career at all to build on, but writing about myself and my own thoughts and life is completely new. It feels like words are the easiest hurdle, and the mind is the real challenge. Isn’t it usually never really about the thing? It’s at least about being afraid of what they would think of my flaws, how I- err my work looks, or how they will judge me and my value based on the contents spilled from my heart or my ability to interpret a difficult concept . Maybe they were, but me, as a professional- couldn’t imagine anyone separating the two because I couldn’t. Today, editing still feels a hot mess but less so because I’m just happy to get anything down. At this stage of personal growth, I would’t ask for approval because this- where I am now is what I’m working with now, and I’ll take it . That aside, I am not immune to delightful joy of reading that I am ok, indeed. From my heart, for the timely words spilled from yours, to you– thanks for writing this!

Aaand blah blah blah. It even started crazy! 🙂 That confirmed what I had just began to suspect, that I never ever want to “beat” fear– just “harness” it.

7/1/13 I was happy Lara Sapala, the author of the article, responded positively.

Thank you so much for sharing this part of your personal journey with writing. You are incredibly inspiring and so brave to be honest about your struggle with editing! I am fast learning that there are a lot of writers out there who are just as hard on themselves as I am. I’m so happy I put up this post and received all this feedback. It lets me know that we really are all in this together. Thank you so much again for sharing, so grateful for this contribution

😀 much-needed win #lovemeka. I also should have so much to say about the challenge winner’s post that I have decided to break it up to unclog the bottleneck-clearly I want to write, but there’s a thing. Well, in the name of consistency, I will need to at least reach out to the author prior to penning it. Sneaking around the idea of that is an old frenemy….”hey there insecurity.” –As if I would lose or gain a piece of my soul for doing a seemingly hopeless thing. As if every day, I haven’t built a reality from the seemingly hopeless. My story has been seemingly hopeless to someone somewhere from the time my tiny fetus body pressed against her belly….aaand I’m writing!

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