Poem 22: Fear of Fear

Phobophobiac

Trapped beneath

‘The man’ and a ‘system’

That’s down. Drowning. Afraid

I’m not showing up in it anyway

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Quotes: Inspiration to Harness Fear

“… the ability to accurately label and effectively harness disappointment– to its proper and most beneficial place, is growth. I don’t mean “excuses” because those are empty, but when I am actively working on becoming better in that specific area, I am growing. You can see the steps I am and will take and progress is measurable. Then, you can see that the car is harnessing the fuel– not the other way around. I was allowing the fuel to drive and it completely incinerated the car! You can’t travel in a burnt up car!”

These are the BASICS– an important piece of the foundation on which I can build my dreams.

I value a short-cut and a heads-up like everyone else, but I can’t dream of shopping and promoting volumes of my own future work with the anxiety I carried about revealing myself or paralyzing fear and self-criticism that haunted me. Do I still become fearful? Yes, but instead of transporting me back to bed, I’ve learned to harness it as fuel to transport me to back to the satisfaction that comes with living a peaceful life– not fearful in spirit.”

–lovemeka, After Challenge to Act Out.. (7/10/13)

I’m happy I found this draft in my inbox today when I could use it most 🙂  I hope in time you can draw strength from it too. Please also pay-it-forward by sharing using the buttons below! 

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After Challenge to Act Out “What’s Clearly Bothering Me” Video

English: Robert Plutchik's Wheel of Emotions

English: Robert Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Soooo how does it feel to make my video debut sleep-deprived, un-styled and reciting the worst fiction I’ll ever write, performing the worst acting I’ll ever perform in the worst video I’ll ever produce to complete my challenge to “ACT OUT: Monologue”? It feels absolutely amazing!! 😀

-lovemeka

Now THAT was a challenge Sure, I’ll laugh with and at myself for many years about the extent of my irrational anxiety about this and in the challenges before.  But it helps to know that nobody really gives a damn– lol

Yet I was the one losing sleep! …and dreams, squandered youth and opportunities. And you may say, “well Meka, your blog’s not even a month old; you don’t know the ramifications yet.” Well you would be right because I don’t know. When I took no risks, I didn’t know either, and today I still don’t know. I know that there’s plenty of time to fail. In fact I will, just as I have failed at some things before, without question.

  • What do I know for sure? …that I tried and did the best I could as I would want my own to do until they learned a better way. I will give that advice to them anyday and not blink because I lived it– no explanation needed. And if I fail, it’s because the obstacles would be real and not perceived, irrational, some self-imposed blockage accepted from someone else, or accepted as fact for lack of the gift that is the curiosity to question things, or the “courage to change the things I can”. They are mine alone– destined to be and will one day work for me as I continue my journey.
  • Whyyyyy is it important? Because it proves that I can do anything, and even that it was not done very well is inconsequential at this point. (incoming caveat) As a professional writer, artist, and an aspiring fiction writer, I am not satisfied with the quality of this work. There’s clearly a lot of work to do, but ya have to start somewhere, and guess who I just beat in a race to the top? Every single aspiring fiction writer who never tried. This is beginning of the road for me. What’s next is where my post, Part 2: Challenge to Finish a Project comes into play. But let’s explore the sentence emboldened above: “I am not satisfied with the quality of this work.”

Pay attention the magic happens quickly… (hey it’s my party 🙂

  • That my dear Loves, the ability to accurately label and effectively harness disappointment and dissatisfaction– to its proper and most beneficial place, is growth. I don’t mean “excuses” because those are empty, but when I am actively working on becoming better in that specific area, I am growing. You can see the steps I am and will take and progress is measurable. Then, you can see that the car is harnessing the fuel– not the other way around. I had been allowing the fuel to completely incinerate the car! You can’t travel in a burnt up car!

These are the BASICS– an important piece of the foundation on which I can build my dreams.

I value a short-cut and a heads-up like everyone else, but I can’t dream of shopping and promoting volumes of my own future work with the anxiety I carried about revealing myself or paralyzing fear and self-criticism that haunted me. Do I still become fearful? Yes, but instead of transporting me back to bed, I’ve learned to harness it as fuel to transport me to back to the satisfaction that comes with living and have a peaceful– not a fearful spirit.

“Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” ― Jack Canfield

Talk to me. If you dug it and travelled with me, don’t forget to share, like, and comment below. Thank you so much for reading.

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Nerd Words to Live By: Harness

English: Words associated with Fear

English: Words associated with Fear (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

And they lived happily ever after is the ending ya expect after dragons have been slayed, and the sultry victim…saved, by a regally hot hero. Well at least 1 1/2- 2hrs of life…invested in the return of their lives to the fairy tale in magically opulent kingdom as our soaring expectations become violently turbulent at the threat of upset at climax. The same climax we feared might snatch our expectation that they might never frolic the gardens of far away lands ever again! Finally from the brink, basking in the buttery-scented exhilaration. The lights returns, and we envision newly deflowered royalty celebrating their warm, loving, beautiful lives away with a muchbetter career, dwelling, interest rate, ROI, FICO, school district, and hairline than mine 😉

 

But in real life, beating a single adversary is not doesn’t offer “happily ever after”, so I subbed the terms “beat fear” for “harness fear”. As explained to some friends before, feelings give life. Where one may give fragrance, the other could give that little container of coffee beans to help me appreciate aroma of the next sweet feeling. So before, I have mislabeled or over-simplified the paralyzing dilemma. Beat fear? Pft… To beat fear is like saying to beat the fuel running through the vehicle that transports you. Why a single drop a fear could help trigger a sympathetic autonomic fight or flight response… releasing adrenaline to give otherwise super-human strength…

 

Today as I feared a thing for its futility, I remembered that I could not lose or gain a piece of my soul for doing a seemingly hopeless thing. As if every day, I haven’t built a reality from the seemingly hopeless. In fact, my story has been seemingly hopeless to someone somewhere from the time my tiny body grew and pressed against the inside of hers. To recall the depths of all the other seemingly hopeless ordeals since then and derive that a futile thought might deserve a corner of space in my mind brought a smile to my face and hearty laughter to my spirit.

 

There’s no need to fear…fear. It is certainly flammable and deserves its respect, but when it flows the right path, ignites us and helps to get us where we need to be. Fear is not a weakness but a tool to be harnessed for the opportunity to return to the base feeling of peace and calm.

What do you fear? How do you harness your fear?

 

 

 

 

Happy Birthday! Err…Graduation?

Beating Harnessing fear: 5 Milestones, 5 days, Love Mekanism Journal Entry 1

If there were a 5-day old birthday, this would be it for the Love Mekanism Project. I thought I might share the 5 milestones I claim as mastered these 5 days (…it’s my party) before boldly moving on to my next personal challenges. I considered myself open-minded, so listening to new music was not strange, the writing itself was not new, but revealing myself and my own personal thoughts without regard for whether it was not good enough or even if it were too good (yup). Given the occasion, I guess it’s time to explain why:

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